


and that summer was ours.

by muted



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 23:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19840633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muted/pseuds/muted
Summary: my saddest work.





	and that summer was ours.

**Author's Note:**

> my saddest work.

He pulls his feet along the shore as waves crashed against his ankles, tickling his bare skin. 

His mind drifted back to his childhood, his happiness, when he used to run around on the heated sand and play in the freezing water, kicking it with his feet.

He remembers his dad clutching his hand tightly the first day he saw the ocean, promising to never let him go. 

But like the sun setting and leaving a dark shadow filled with empty stars hanging the sky, promises made in summer days drift away when winter arrives, and it’s coldest when his father isn’t holding his hand anymore. 

Mark stood, gazing at the sun setting behind the horizon, inhaling deeply as he softly shuts his eyes.

He feels the small moment of bliss as if everything will be alright. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

He went on a trip. Or, was more... dragged onto a rental RV by his best friends, Renjun and Jaemin, Mark was at least excited for the adventure the two would bring. 

“Let’s go!” Jaemin yanks the latter’s arm, “I wanna get there as soon as possible.”

“Geez, Jaemin, if you could maybe..” Mark rubs his forearm, “not do that ever again?”

And with a bubbly laugh from the other, they leave.

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

They made it to an old, small town that lived right next to the sea.

“This place is beautiful,” Renjun breathlessly comments as they crawl out of the vehicle they’ve been trapped in for two days.

“This is our summer” Jaemin held Renjun closely as they looked down at the land of mystery, magic, and what seemed like an overall light place to be.

“This place..” Mark carefully walks next to the boys and with a small whisper comments, 

“it— it feels like home.”

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

As they drive slowly into the rocky, cracked streets; periodically stepping out to greet the old owners that kindly smile at them. All more than glad to help them find a place to stay for a few nights.

A wave of calmness as well as nostalgia crashes over Mark. The beauty of these old folk’s kind hearts is something he’ll never come across in the city of Seoul. The constant fresh smell of the ocean along with bright flowers fills each of their nostrils welcomingly. 

Mark finally drives them up to a motel-apartment complex that’s five stories tall. Glazing the outside, it seems like the newest building compared to the ones they’ve seen.

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

They’ve checked in successfully, Mark in one single room while Renjun and Jaemin are together in another.

Exhausted from driving the RV, the boys decide to walk through some more of the streets.

They’ve come across a slightly larger cafe that seems popular with the people coming in and out. They all agree to eat there for dinner.

Chatting with some kind souls that they come across, the trio finally settles in on the outside dining area.

With the light breeze passing through their hair, the perfect mix of fresh, salty, and sweet smell drifts along with it. 

Mindless thoughts take over the conversation amongst the group. Mark mostly listens with periodically nodding his head as he focuses more on the streets, the people.

It’s more than perfect, is what Mark concludes as they finish up their meal and head to the beach. Street lamps start to illuminate the dusted, narrow roads and shops begin to close. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

The cool sand tickles under their feet as they take off their sandals and hold them, strolling peacefully next to the shore. 

“We’re gonna rest here to watch the sunset!” Jaemin points down in front of a rock as Renjun starts to settle in. Mark shoots a thumbs up.

“Okay! I was going to walk the other way!” He points behind him and the other smiles more brightly than when they first took off for the trip.

Mark vaguely follows the path to a large cliff that ends the trail of the rest of the shore. The sun is almost close to setting as he starts climbing the rock to top. 

He drops on sandal on the way as he cut his forearm on the rough edge and decides to throw the other sandal with it. 

He reaches the top and holds his breath. It’s stunning. It’s something he knows no matter what, he will never forget this moment.

The wind gently makes its way past the other and the same smell of the town comes comfortable with him. 

“Hi” 

Mark whips around to see a smaller boy with golden brown locks and beautifully golden tan skin look at Mark with amusement.

“Um.. hello?” The boy takes a step closer and waves his hand in the latter’s face.

Mark snaps into reality at that moment, “h-hello” he scratches the back of his neck, waiting for the other to make the next move.

The smaller takes a step forward to stand next to Mark, taking in the scenery in front of him.

“Beautiful, right?” His lips gently form into a soft smile as the suns last rays hit his face magically.

“Yeah...” Mark stares at the younger boy then quickly glances at the last peek of the sun. 

It’s over. And darkness has fallen.

“My name’s Hyuck” the younger states, never looking over at the elder.

“I’m Mark” the other nods, and both their eyes shimmer with interest as they glaze over the horizon. 

The booming ocean waves cashing against each other and intense winds fill as white noise, placing them in a comfortable silence together. 

“Are you new here? A tourist? I’ve never seen you?” Hyuck questions as his hands are placed firmly on his hips.

“Yeah, I’m here for a bit,” Mark turns from the sparkling ocean below to the other, “just escaping the city.”

The boy nods at that and finally meets his gaze. A warm smile traces on his lips and the elder blushes, turning his face quickly with a cough.

A giggle escapes the boys’ lips and there, at that moment,

something blossomed. 

In his chest, Mark felt more alive than ever. His heart started beating with rhythm, with meaning. 

And he knew, this was home. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

After chatting with the mysteries younger boy, he solemnly makes his way back to the couple and sees them fallen asleep, holding each other. 

“Guys, c’mon” Mark tugs Renjun up by his arms and a whine escapes from him in annoyance.

Ah, his friends will always ruin the moment, huh. Mark thinks as Renjun slaps his arm softly, complaining without a care. 

With an annoyed grin plastered on Mark’s face, he pulls Jaemin up and they all make their way back to their rooms. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

Mark wakes up first, the sun hasn’t risen yet so he takes the opportunity to meet it at the cliff. 

He’s made his way to the beach and up onto the cliff eventually, losing his tracks in the darkness periodically. 

He finds that he’s got some time before the sun will rise. As he walks closer to the edge, he sees a petite figure laying on his back with his knees sticking up. 

“Hello?” Mark’s voice fills with uncertainty and fear as he stops his tracks to make of the figure.

“Hi” the voice is familiar in the latter’s ears as he snaps his head with a smile.

“Hyuck?” The younger rolls onto his side to face the other.

“Mark” the other states with a hint of tease in his voice.

“What are you doing here so early?” He walks over more confidently and sits on the edge. Hyuck moves to sit next to him.

“I couldn’t sleep so I just laid here all night,” He swings his feet and looks up to the ocean’s dull waves moving against the tide. 

“What? It must’ve been cold!” Mark grabs Hyuck’s arm, “yeah, you’re freezing”

Hyuck holds onto the latter’s arm and places it under his cheek. He lets out a satisfied sigh. 

An intense blush flushes Mark’s cheeks as Hyuck lays on his lap without a care in the world.

Hyuck adjusts so that he is facing where the sun’ll rise as Mark tries to build his composure once again. 

After the two get comfortable, Mark mindlessly hums a tune stuck in his head.

“What’re you singing?” Hyuck shifts his head to face the older boy with the deep blue sky behind him. 

“O-oh it’s— I don’t really..” Mark’s ears turn a shade of red that amuses the latter, “I didn’t realize I was humming.. sorry”

Hyuck pouts and his eyebrows knit together. He continues to stare at the male as Mark pretends he isn’t scared of the other.

“Alright, alright” Mark gives in, “Billionaire by Bruno Mars”

“Wha- I knew it!” Hyuck snaps his fingers with a smile, “its one of my favorites.”

Hyuck shuts his eyes and starts to softly sing the song as the sun rises. Meanwhile Mark is taking in the delicate painting in front of him; the blooming colors radiate intensely. Golden and strong with floating sparkled streaks peeking out gently.

Hyuck slowly opens his eyes as the song comes to an end. He studies Mark’s features as if it were the last time he was going to see the other. 

The softened jawline holding piercing but soft hazel eyes that were more detailed in front of the light that flushed his face, he exuded radiance. The face that was innocent, beautiful, mysterious, shy, and delicate. 

He held hope.

The sun had shone, they held each other, it was just them in the moment.

“I..” Mark starts after they’ve sat together in comfortable silence with the seagulls, trees rustling, the calm breeze moving past, and with the ocean waves rushing against each other. 

“I don’t think I have a dream” He blurts all of a sudden. 

“That’s okay. You don’t need a dream right now” Hyuck sits up and shifts his body to face Mark, “it’s okay not to have a dream.”

Hyuck’s head falls on the letters shoulder comfortably. 

“As long as you’re alive,” he starts, “you’ve got a purpose, right?” His eye graze up and meets the elder’s.

“I guess so..” Mark fidgets his fingers while looking at the clouds moving along gently.

He wanted to open up to Hyuck, open his heart, but bubbling thoughts of regret took over and he ends the conversation there. 

They sat a few minutes more, basking in the view. 

“I guess you should go back to your friends” Hyuck quietly whispers, lifting his head gently from the other’s shoulder. 

“O-oh...yeah, yeah” Mark looks over at the younger but Hyuck doesn’t meet his eyes.

They both get up, wiping the dust off their shorts. Mark didn’t want to part from Hyuck, though. He wanted to know about him; his passions, his childhood, his dreams.

But he’s a coward. He let’s everyone else make the decisions. He never makes them himself. But at this moment he wants to brave- confident, even.

“When can I meet you again?” Mark presses his lips together as his heart pangs from his chest loudly.

“Hmm..” Hyuck scrunches his face as if in deep thought, “we’ll just have to see, pretty boy” he concludes with a sly grin. 

“W— what?” Mark questions as the other starts to make his way down the cliff. 

“Just like your dreams, find them.. let life take over,” Hyuck smiles in a way Mark has never been looked at before. A way that he’s the truly the only person on earth. He blushes and quickly clears his throat.

“I hope I see you, though, Hyuck” Mark gathered the courage to say as the latter continued to walk away from him.

“I have a feeling we’ll meet again, Mark” 

And with that, he’s gone. 

Mark’s heart feels.. dull. As if it would never beat as well it did being with the younger, a kid he didn’t even know. 

With a deep, exhausted sigh, he makes his way back.

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

Throughout the day,he could barely focus on the small town that held a beautiful history. Instead, his mind could only think of Hyuck. 

“You okay?” Renjun elbows the elder with a playful grin as he takes another scoop of his ice cream. 

“Uh- yeah,” Mark smiles to himself, “yeah” he repeats again but more to himself.

Hyuck was right. Mark needed to live in the moment; he cant keep thinking of a stranger.

And so, he hops off the bench with a loud, relieved exhale. 

“C’mon, guys” the two give him a confused look.

“We just got our ice cream” Renjun pouts as Jaemin showcases the cone in his hand to the other. 

“O-oh, yeah, I forgot” he rubs the back of his neck and looks at the ground.

“Is the Mark Lee okay?” Jaemin laughs and the others follow, laughing at their Mark Lee.

Yeah, this was life. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

That night, the three decided to split. Renjun wanted to be with Jaemin, and Mark was more than okay; his mind drifting back to the beach.

By the time he had made it to the cliff, it was dark. The brightest stars filled the velvet black sky. 

After he had climbed to the top, he wandered around the large rock and nothing. Although disappointed, he walked along the edge until he spotted a single figure’s silhouette standing still in front of the waves. 

Mark made his way down and as he rushed to the other, the boy seemed he hadn’t moved an inch. 

“Hyuck” Mark breathlessly said, resting his weight on his knees with his hands.

The other turned around slowly, “hey.”

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

They ended up sitting in front of the ocean.

“Which scares you more, the ocean or the sky?” Mark asks with a low voice.

“The sky” Hyuck nods firmly after a few seconds. 

“Why?” Mark turns to look at the other. Hyuck only glances and sighs deeply, soft eye scanning the sky above them.

“It’s just so..” Hyuck tries to find the words, “-big.” He pauses for a moment. “The earth is just surrounded by the sky. It’s like we’re drowning in it. Especially at night. At night I look above and sometimes all I see is black, like I’ve already been drowned by the sky.” He chuckles and looks over at the other. Mark nods as if he understands the younger’s answer and looks up at the sky once more before Hyuck asks,

“What about you?” Hyuck crosses his legs and uses his arms to hold them up. 

“The ocean. I-I cant reach the sky but the ocean, its right here. I could drown any moment.. its really big.”

“Are you scared of drowning?” Hyuck wonders aloud and the other nods.

“Yeah, I am-“ the elder whispers. “Are you?”

“Yes. But its more of.. it feels like I’m drowning without any water. Like something or someone’s pulled me down and wont let me breath. Sometimes I’m able to breath on my own but other times it’s like the air isn’t enough.”

“Why do you feel like that?” Mark turns to the other, genuine concern painted across his face. Hyuck reads the other and shakes his head.

“Dunno. Thought this happens to everyone at some point. Like too much would be going on in their life,” he sighs then asks, “ever felt that way?”

“Yeah. Once or twice, now that you say so..” Mark thinks back to his father. 

His eyes well up unconsciously and he whips his head so that he doesn’t face the other. 

“You okay?” Hyuck unfolds from his position as he hears the other sniff and his hands move up to his face. 

“Hey, why are you crying?” Hyuck’s voice is delicate, as his hands are; as if Hyuck would touch the other, he’d break down even more than he already has. 

“I- my dad..” Mark starts but a chocked sob takes over. 

“Mark, Mark-“ Hyuck rushes to hold the other, “breath, just breath in and out, slowly”

“I- I cant, I cant!” Mark cries harder, “I’m- I feel like I’m drowning.”

Hyuck takes both his hands into his own and intertwines their fingers. 

“You wont drown if I’m holding onto you. I promise.” Mark’s grasp on the younger tightens and he rapidly nods his head, convincing himself he’s okay. 

Eventually, tears stop falling. 

Hyuck had made that promise, his first promise to Mark and the night had never felt colder.

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

That night, Mark opened up to the other. He opened his deepest thoughts, his fears, his past, his hopes. He opened his heart for Hyuck.

Mark was suffering. It was hard to tell anyone, to even Renjun or Jaemin. So, he kept every emotion closed in his chest. He held it all it, he embraced it all- until his ribs would tear apart his skin and cut his heart.

If he said anything to anyone, everything would spill, he would say it all at once. But he said it all to Hyuck. Everything; and all at once. 

And Hyuck and merely held him close; he held Mark with kindness, warmth, love, and all the emotions that the elder couldn’t even put into words. 

The same night, Hyuck had also opened his deepest thoughts, along with his past.

“I couldn’t shed a single tear at my best friend’s, funeral. That day, his love, Jisung, had seemed to lose his smile as depression had crept into his life. He told me he was okay.. he told me he knew if he fell off that cliff he’d be reborn into a star. He told me he and Chenle would be the brightest stars shining on the darkest nights-“ 

A slight pause from the younger with a tear trickling down his cheek, “no matter how many time’s I come here.. I can never see two stars shine as bright as the moon on the darkest nights.”

But, that same depression had also crept into Hyuck’s life. He kept silent through it all. Crying himself to sleep with hushed sobs as everyday became more painful and unbearable than the next. 

As much as it all hurt, he continues to go back to the beach, the cliff.. even if the night is flushed with millions of stars, he’d look out for the two brightest ones and pretend they were what he had hoped. 

He never had another to cry to, to vent to. Everything was all on his own. No matter how empty his surroundings were, there was no reason to make a noise, to fill the echoing rooms with his lonely cries.

And finally, he cried out load. As loud as the waves were when they crash onto each other. He let all his emotions flood out from the years of being alone, mentally and physically. 

Hyuck held tight onto Mark’s thin shirt, and Mark was okay with it. Hyuck let his tears soak onto his shirt, and Mark was okay with it. Hyuck whimpered and cried without any restrictions, and Mark didn’t stop him. 

Mark held him, Mark grazed his fingers delicately through his soft brown locks, Mark whispered sweet nothings into his ear that seemed to be more than loud enough for Hyuck. 

Their hearts were empty before that night. But now, their filled with each other. And they fill each other’s perfectly. 

That night, as they went to Mark’s room together, resting in each other’s arms— Mark had realized their was coldness in the boy’s voice when they first met. There was a bit hesitation as he spoke.. it wasn’t noticeable only if you pay the closest attention. You could look into the younger boy’s eyes and they were sad, but his smile, along with his personality were bright enough to hide it all. 

Everything’s easier if you plaster a smile.

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

Hyuck had woken the other up.

“Mark, could you come with me?” Hyuck had pushed his shoulder and the other groaned but a few seconds later got up.

It was still dark out. About an hour or two had gone by.

As he sleepily walked behind the other, who was clutching onto his wrist, they finally stop at the cliff.

Hyuck let go of his wrist and turned around, face behind the horizon and that’s when Mark saw,

Hyuck brought the light before the sun did on that morning. He was radiating warmth, happiness, and love. He was the sun Mark needed.

And Mark’s smile was wider than ever as he realized that. 

The same ocean crashes they had grown used to had become white noise as Hyuck leaned in and kissed him.

The kiss they shared was filled with warmth, something they both desperately wanted for the longest time. 

In this town; although at first glance seemed beautiful and welcoming, there was fear, sadness, and loneliness that hung amongst all these souls that lived here. As time went on, as more streets had been explored, layers and layers unfold.

The beach Mark had been to everyday since he’s been here has always been empty. No matter how hot the day was, it was deserted. The sea was filled with salted tears that could never hold happiness.

Everyone in this town had lost hope. Hope of happiness. Hope of love, warmth.. except for Hyuck. He held onto that last piece of hope in his heart, going to the beach at dusk and waiting for two bright stars to shine until dawn. 

They broke the kiss for air and Hyuck’s heart is finally filled with love, happiness, Mark.

And at that moment, two stars had shone brighter than ever, illuminating the sky and the two boys delicately as they both continued to kiss each other as if there was nothing left in this world. 

If they were both going to drown, they would drown together. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

“We’ll be happy together, one day” Mark whispered as they cuddle on the dark, deserted beach. 

That day when Mark had picked the last flower of happiness from the garden of loneliness, the petal drifted gently into the ocean with the sorrow and coldness swallowing it. The flower that held hope died in his hands. 

But when Hyuck took his hands, there was a rush of hope that had filled his heart. Warmth filled his body on this cold night.

“We will..” Hyuck nods to himself gently, “we will be happy together.”

“Promise?” Mark grips tighter on Hyuck’s hand.

“Promise” his second, and last promise to the elder. 

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

The next morning was more than dreadful. Mark, Renjun, and Jaemin were set out to leave town that day. 

His heart pained as Hyuck gave him a goodbye hug. 

“This’ll be our last goodbye hug, right?” Mark looked into Hyucks eyes and all he found was a sad smile from the other.

“Right.” Hyuck inhales deeply and exhales shakily. He takes their hands, one last time, and intertwines them; kissing them softly.

Finally, Hyuck kisses Mark deeply, with sadness, love, and compassion. 

“Goodbye, Mark Lee, I love you” Hyuck states.

“I love you, Donghyuck,” Mark breathlessly says, 

“goodbye.”

☆ﾟ*･｡*･

Seasons pass by slowly for Mark.

Autumn had dead leaves falling constantly.

Winter had cold, sleepless nights.

Spring blossomed with hope.

And when summer arrived, one year later, he went back to the town, the beach, the cliff- that summer evening minutes before sun was close to setting.

And there was no one holding his hand to stop him.

**Author's Note:**

> I have other works if you’d like to read.


End file.
